Kathleen Klamka
“If I was the only victim I don’t think I could keep going. But I think of someone else’s story and that keeps me motivated.”
Awake: Hello, Kathy! Thank you for being open to sharing your story with our community. To start off, what would you like to share about yourself and your life?
Kathleen Klamka: I’m a wife, mother, and grandmother who lives in Phoenix with my husband, Paul. I’m 68 and retired this year after 46 years of nursing. My grandsons, who are seven and four, keep me happy and sane because they are so cute and watching them interact and grow gives me great joy. They live about three hours away, but we see each other often. I also have a dog, an Australian shepherd named Gertie, who is very special. She belonged to my son, Matt, who passed away five and a half years ago of cancer when he was 27 years old. Before he passed he entrusted Gertie to us.
Q. Oh, Kathy. No wonder Gertie is special to you. I’m sorry about that terrible loss. What would you feel comfortable sharing about your abuse?
A. My abuse is two-fold. I was sexually abused as a child, around age 10. I was asked to deliver something to the rectory in our neighborhood. A visiting priest made me go into the bedroom where he was staying and I was not allowed out. In addition to the sexual and physical abuse there was a lot of spiritual abuse, with the priest telling me God chose him, so he was holy and his naked body was holy. He told me that as a priest he had many powers and a connection to God. He told me that he controlled the gates of heaven and hell, and if I wasn’t completely obedient to him, I would be sent to hell when I died.
I was only 10 and I didn’t know that what I had experienced was sexual abuse, as I knew nothing about sex. I’d always remembered most of that day, but I had no feelings attached to those experiences. When I was 64, in the aftermath of my son’s death, I suddenly started having flashbacks from the rectory. It was like I was seeing those scenes on a continuous loop, and it lasted for months. It was terrible and confusing, and I became suicidal. As a 10-year-old I had interpreted what happened in that bedroom as “priest powers.” So when the flashbacks began, I visited 10 different priests, asking for help. Most were not nice or helpful.
After 15 months of this, I started seeing a trauma-trained therapist. She told me that what I was describing in that bedroom was sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse. This had not occurred to me. It was as if I still saw everything from that day like I did as a child.
I think of my visits to the priests in my diocese, looking for help with the flashbacks, as the second part of my abuse. They were demeaning and indifferent. Their reactions, along with broken promises from current and former bishops, have felt as abusive as what happened to me as a child. I want bishops to take more initiative in educating their priests about trauma.
Q. Kathy, I’m so sorry about all of this. I believe you and I’m sorry about all that you’ve suffered. When you look at all of this, what feels like the most challenging part of your experience?
A. The lack of a satisfying response by the Church to my case. I’ve experienced indifference and lack of empathy. Only one priest said, “I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Only one. It feels like they don’t really want to help. It’s very hard, and I’m tired.
Q. I’m so sorry that you haven’t had a better response, and that you’re struggling. Who has been helpful in your healing and recovery process? Who is providing the support you really need?
A. I would say my husband, who was my first confidant after I began therapy. I had kept this to myself for so long, and he was a good listener. My therapist has also been really helpful. She listens and respects who I am. I also have the women in the support groups I’m part of, who understand.
Q. I’m glad that you have their support. How would you describe your relationship with God?
A. God feels distant right now. I don’t know if he likes me given that I’ve had so many negative experiences with clergy. It’s very hard and sad. Sometimes I feel as confused as I did as a child. But then I remember my relationship with God before all of this and how I could feel his love for me. So I keep that in my mind and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Q. Kathy, what makes you feel strong?
A. I don’t feel strong very often. I feel constant stress and disappointment. But somehow I get up and think to myself, “What else can I do to try to get the Church to help every victim?” If I was the only victim I don’t think I could keep going. But I think of someone else’s story and that keeps me motivated. It reminds me of how I felt advocating for my patients as a nurse.
Q. Thank you for sharing all of this, Kathy, including so many of these difficult feelings. I wish you continued healing. I know your faith is important to you; maybe you could end by sharing a little about your faith and relationship to the Catholic Church?
A. The Church causes me much suffering. But I still practice my Catholic faith. I completely believe in the Mass and the Eucharist. So I go to weekly Mass and also adoration, even though being there sometimes triggers memories of my abuse. I know Jesus comes to us in the Mass, and with him heaven comes, and for a few moments we are one with heaven. And the Spirit of God flows out from the Eucharist to the entire church and we are all enveloped in his love. Everyone. It is this God who I love and go to Mass for.
—Interview by Erin O’Donnell
Note from Awake: We extend heartfelt thanks to Kathy for sharing her story. We also want to acknowledge that every survivor’s path is different. We honor the journeys of all who have experienced sexual abuse by Catholic leaders and are committed to bringing you their stories. In addition to Kathy’s story, we encourage you to read our previous Survivor Stories here.
If you have experienced sexual abuse, you can receive support through the National Sexual Abuse Hotline, 800-656-4673, which operates 24 hours a day. If you seek support from the Catholic Church, you can find the contact information for your diocesan victim assistance coordinator here. Also, Awake is always open to listening to and learning from survivors. If you would like to connect with us, we invite you to email Survivor Care Coordinator Esther Harber at estherharber@awakecommunity.org.
