How to Grow in the Aftermath of Trauma

When someone has suffered deep wounds from a traumatic event such as sexual abuse, how can they move beyond the pain to achieve healing and growth? We posed this question to Mitch Mueller, LPC, a Catholic psychotherapist from West Bend, Wisconsin, who specializes in treating trauma and abuse, to learn what helps his clients achieve post-traumatic growth.

Mitch Mueller, LPC

When someone has suffered significant trauma, “the hope is that they would be able to move from a ‘victim’ mindset to a ‘survivor’ mindset, and even past ‘survivor’ to ‘thriver’ or even a ‘hero’ mindset,” he explains. Mueller summarizes the hero mentality as “I am stronger for having gone through this.”

This may sound impossibly hard for some who have experienced abuse, and Mueller acknowledges that taking this journey may be one of the most difficult things survivors do in their lives. People who have been sexually abused, especially by a faith leader, may spend extended periods experiencing trauma symptoms such as anxiety, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts. They may feel intense shame and blame themselves for the abuse they endured. “They might think, ‘I’m broken, I’m damaged goods, there must have been something wrong with me that made this happen to me,’ ” Mueller explains.

What is Post-traumatic Growth?

Post-traumatic growth is the work of moving past the trauma mindset. Mueller compares this growth to the Japanese art known as kintsugi. The artist breaks pottery vessels and then glues them back together, using gold or silver paint to highlight the seams where pieces have been rejoined, creating new and beautiful art from something previously shattered. Mueller connects this to a verse from scripture, Romans 5:20, “Where sin abounds, grace abounds even more.”

The Japanese art of kitsugi

As a person begins to heal and move past the victim mindset, they may experience fewer painful memories and dreams, Mueller says. They may be less triggered and might struggle less with intense feelings of shame or self-hatred.

Still, Mueller stresses that there’s no one single way to heal; everyone has their own path and takes it at their own pace. The healing process can depend on many factors, including the types of wounds the person suffered; their previous trauma history; their mental health status; and their support networks. Some people move into “survivor” mode or beyond quickly, while others simply take longer.

However long it takes, Mueller says people who are healing start to “spend less time thinking about the terrible experience, and more about how they overcame it.” He stresses that the goal is not forgetting what happened to them, “but taking the lessons they learned from it, and turning them into something purposeful and beautiful.”

“Ideally people think less and less about the trauma and more and more about their lives, their choices, their opportunities, their hopes and dreams for the future,” Mueller adds. “My hope for everyone is that they would see themselves as a beloved child of God, that they would see themselves as people with choices, with gifts, with creativity, with love, with passions, with interests, regardless of their trauma.”

Mueller finds that some clients have a hard time moving forward, stopped in part by the sense that this lets their abuser off the hook. “But you are not letting the abuser off the hook,” he emphasizes. “You’re choosing to move on with your life. You’re the one who is being freed, you’re no longer trapped. The person being freed from the prison is you.”  

He adds that “one of the advantages of a Christian perspective is that we believe God is the final judge,” he says. “We don’t have to worry about judging others, because God’s got that covered for us. He will ensure that justice is done in the end.”

Four Strategies that Foster Growth

Here are four strategies that Mueller recommends to encourage post-traumatic growth.

Think About Trauma-Focused Therapies.  If you decide to seek a therapist’s help in healing from trauma, seek out a professional with trauma training. There are multiple types of therapy shown by research to help people heal from traumatic experiences, Mueller notes.

He adds that it may also help some people to find a therapist who understands Catholicism—for example, a clinician who grasps the role a priest might hold in a Catholic person’s life. Mueller is a member of the Wisconsin Consortium of Catholic Therapists, and notes that roughly half of the organization’s members have expertise in treating trauma.

Consider Your Mindset. A person’s mental disposition can influence how they view and cope with the challenges they face, Mueller notes.  He likes The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It, written by research psychologist Kelly McGonigal, PhD.  This book may help shift how you think about your trauma—and the meaning you make of it—which can aid your healing.

Share Your Story in Supportive Places. Mueller suggests finding support groups of other victim-survivors where you can share the story of what happened to you. (Consider Awake’s Survivor Circles, or groups through the Archdiocese of St. Paul-Minneapolis or SNAP.) Being heard by people who understand the trauma of abuse can be particularly validating. It can also help to hear from people who are further along in their healing journey, which can give you a sense for what is “normal” and what to expect as time passes.  

Start to Look Ahead. At a certain point, Mueller says, you might be ready to start trying activities that interest you (say, a drawing class or a volunteer role) or tackling new goals (such as running a 5K race). These experiences can lead to positive feelings, motivating you to make new plans and creating what Mueller calls “a positive feedback loop” that encourages you to pursue more beneficial experiences.  

Mueller believes that Church leaders and the broader Catholic community have “a huge responsibility to make reparations and to help support survivors,” he says. At the same time, he hopes to empower people who have experienced the trauma of abuse to ultimately start to think about their wounds in new ways. “This was not your fault. This happened because someone chose to do this to you,” he says, adding, “But you have a lot of power … in deciding the kind of life you want to live going forward.”

—Erin O’Donnell, Editor 

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