Fr. Frank Reitter
“God, through prayer, helped me understand I can never be the person I could have been had I not been abused, but I can be the person I can be.”
Editor’s Note: This interview features a Catholic priest who has personal experience of sexual abuse by a religious leader. His story may be triggering to some readers, so please use discretion when reading.
Awake: Thank you so much for being willing to share your story with us. As we begin, what would you like to tell us about yourself?
Fr. Frank Reitter: I’ve been a priest for 40 years, serving in Maine, Michigan, South Dakota, Alaska, Africa, Australia, and Jamaica. I’ve had a wide range of experiences: coaching sports, volunteer firefighting, substance abuse counseling, giving retreats, teaching homiletics, participating in Lakota spirituality, and seeing some beautiful parts of our world. I loved teaching and coaching at the high school of my religious community, but something was missing; I realized there's a million people who can teach or coach, but few to serve on the margins. I discerned that if I'm given the gift to serve in tough places then that is where God probably wants me; hence I began the ministry for my community with the Lakota in South Dakota and later began ministry in Jamaica. I’m currently pastor of St. Francis Xavier in Valdez, Alaska. In about a year, I hope to retire to the Philippines so I can use a substantial amount of my money to help folks in need. I will also enjoy doing some scuba diving.
Q: You have a beautiful story of how you came to minister to people on the margins in near and far places. If I could change topics, what would you like to share about the abuse you experienced as a child?
A: I was abused by my scoutmaster, who was a brother candidate for a religious community where I went to Mass. The abuse lasted for three and a half years. It was devastating: I went from fifth in my class in a tough school to fourth from the bottom in an easy school. I blamed myself and felt tremendous shame. I lived a lie; I put on a smiling face when I was abused and acted as if all was normal so no one would know. I’m unsure, because I buried the abuse and he plied me with alcohol and drugs, but I believe it happened between 12 and 20 times. It took more than 35 years before I wrote, “I was abused” in a password protected file on my computer.
Q: I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. Your innocence and trust were violated, with devastating impact. It strikes me that you have a unique perspective as a priest-victim-survivor. Why have you chosen to share your story with the Awake community?
A: I’m choosing to share this because if the 1 in 6.org statistics are accurate, then many more priests are victims of abuse than are perpetrators. Not many priests have disclosed publicly. I disclosed and paid a heavy price, but it was worth it. As they say, ”You’re as sick as your secrets.”
The priest-victim-survivor faces a dilemma—we’re caught. On the one hand, when I told a woman on a plane what I did for a living she said, “You must be one of the good ones. You’re not in jail yet.” Similarly, I've heard people talk about priests as if we're all abusers, company men who cover for abusers, or silent knowing enablers. On the other hand, I've heard priests who don't know I was abused minimize, deny, and blame victims; some feel the abuse crisis has been the topic of too many meetings and are tired of it. I believe that most priests are not abusers or enablers but are paying for the sins and crimes of others. My view is that priests who abuse don’t abuse because they are priests; they abuse because they are abusers. And, they would have done the same if they were scoutmasters, teachers, or parents. But people who fall into these other categories are not usually regarded with the same suspicion as those who are priests.
Q: Wow, yes, I can see how difficult it must be for someone who is both a priest and also a victim-survivor. I imagine that must be a lonely experience, too. Can you say more about what has been most difficult about your journey as a survivor?
A: The hardest part has been the unevenness of the Church’s response. My religious community’s response didn’t follow the protocols of the Dallas charter or its own written protocols. I’d counted on the protocols for safety when I disclosed the abuse. When they were ignored, I was devastated. When I disclosed, all they said was, “Thank you.” That response was inadequate, but what followed was worse. After I disclosed the abuse to my community, but before I received the provincial’s response, one member wrote to our Rome leadership that I was a sick person, omitting the abuse I’d disclosed. They published that I was in counseling but never said the reason was for being abused, leaving it to speculation. I became the problem. I eventually left that religious community and joined a diocese, after being open to the bishop about being abused and my religious community’s response. An awful lot of the response to abuse depends on the person or group in front of you, rather than protocols. There’s no sense having protocols if they are not followed. Protocols should guarantee evenness but they don’t; how they are followed varies by person. If you have protocols, they need to be followed. I'm furious at the inadequate responses and human and pastoral failures by Church leadership.
As painful as it was to disclose to my religious community, I’ve also had some positive experiences. In 2013, I gave a presentation to all of the priests and many lay leaders of my diocese on what it is like to be a victim of abuse, what helps when someone discloses, and what victim-survivors need. It was well-received. Also, I’ve preached about being a victim-survivor and found it was well-received and helpful for people.
Q: I’m glad to hear that you’ve had those positive experiences. Thank you for raising our awareness to the importance of our individual responses. In your journey toward healing, who or what has been the most helpful?
A: There have been several people who have helped me. My therapist was the person who was my biggest help. She was compassionate and also challenging. I was fortunate to find someone who understood the dynamics of faith and also had other counseling skills. Also, on a retreat I attended a fellow survivor said, “I was a little boy when it happened. I’m a big man now. The big man can protect the little boy.” That was very helpful. In addition, Jenny, a diocesan victim assistance coordinator, has been helpful in guiding me to resources, including Awake, and has been an honest ear with which to check things out.
What has been most helpful is my prayer life. The verse I prayed over a lot when I felt guilty and dirty and blamed myself for the abuse was Isaiah 41:14: “Fear not O worm Israel, O maggot Jacob. ‘I will help you,’ says the Lord. Your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.”
Encountering a God greater than I was and who was there to help me, even though I felt like a worm or maggot, challenged and consoled me. I no longer feel that way, or blame myself, but that and other religious experiences probably kept me from harming myself or others. God, through prayer, helped me understand I can never be the person I could have been had I not been abused, but I can be the person I can be. I’ve come to see strength as the ability to persevere even when it’s hard. It’s my prayer life and God that gives me that ability.
Q: I hear so much hope in your account of how God brought you healing through your prayer. Thank you for sharing your story with us. As we close, is there anything else you would like people to know about this?
A: Abuse is a physical act which hammers the soul. Connecting with God, prayer, sacraments and community helped me to overcome the wounds and dents on my psyche and soul. Sadly, abuse by church leaders often deters people from seeking religious resources at a time when those resources are most needed. For religious people, their faith is the most important aspect of who they are. And, I want people to know God, the Church, and spirituality can be tremendous assets to life and healing from abuse. I’m telling my story because even though people have been betrayed by a religious person, I believe God and the Church really want salvation, healing, wholeness, and happiness for you.
—Interview by Katie Burke-Redys
Note from Awake: We extend heartfelt thanks to Fr. Frank Reitter sharing his story. We also want to acknowledge that every survivor’s path is different. We honor the journeys of all who have experienced sexual abuse by Catholic leaders and are committed to bringing you their stories. In addition to Fr. Frank’s story, we encourage you to read our previous Survivor Stories here.
If you have experienced sexual abuse, you can receive support through the National Sexual Abuse Hotline, 800-656-4673, which operates 24 hours a day. If you seek support from the Catholic Church, you can find the contact information for your diocesan victim assistance coordinator here. Also, Awake is always open to listening to and learning from survivors. If you would like to connect with us, we invite you to email Survivor Care Coordinator Esther Harber at estherharber@awakecommunity.org.
